Intergalactic Empire Productions

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While Vis is being silenced by a commando team of Trade Federation Droids, New Centriff is quietly infiltrated by OOM-9 and EEK-176. Unbeknownst to the characters, they are already here!

Jeff giggled to himself quietly in his cubicle at the communication hub of New Centriff. It was yet another silent night. Hilariously, communications had dropped again. Also, his next batch of giggle dust was almost done! Once again excusing himself to use the restroom for the sixth time this shift, the human hurried over to the IT closet.

Jeff was a night crew. Partially because he was mediocre at IT. But mostly because he was a giggle dust junkie. Just know one knew that. They just knew he was always laughing and had a hard time staying focused on complex jobs. The night shift meant that the janitor closet was available with its many cleaning chemicals and privacy for production!

He was particularly excited this night. He had found a contact that introduced himself online as a “Crime Lord”, and would be at the Pilot Lounge this evening to take his first shipment after the shift was over. Jeff didn’t know who or what this Crime Lord was, but the chance to share his giggles with people, and get paid to make more, seemed like a great alternative to going homeless at the rate he was using the stuff.

Delightfully, the batch had come out fairly well. Five additional doses were bagged quickly. The batches were limited due to the size of the cramped closet, but it meant five more moments of giggles. And, it meant that his first shipment was ready. It had not occurred to the aspiring junkie that five doses was not a shipment to a crime lord, but these small tiny issues did not concern him.

Meanwhile, over at the Pilot Lounge, a Twi’lek nicknamed Dragon Tails anxiously awaited his contact. He had put himself out on the holonet as a “Crime Lord”. Admittedly, he was in the early stages of his empire. Meaning, he had his light freighter. And one contact. Whose online tag was Giggle Boi. But, Dragon Tails had big dreams. Big plans. And a leased ship to make them come true. Naturally, he was highly anxious and not hiding it well.

In the same lounge, the paranoid Duros scientist named Lob Zhabo was deep in his research. Buried in his datapad, he was oblivious to the Boonta Eve Pod Race playing on the big screen at the bar. The Pilot Lounge was the seediest inns located in New Centriff. Meaning, it was fairly clean because of Naboo’s standards.

Lob was too busy with critically important research to engage with the common folk. Who would probably steal his work if given the chance. Or were corporate spies. Which corporation he was not sure yet, but Lob knew that crooks were after his work.

While the junkie giggled himself away in la la land and the pilots sweated for different reasons, the law enforcement agents were on the prowl. They had picked up local chatter about giggle dust and a new crime lord operating in New Centriff. Their boss, was off playing hookie and watching the latest pod racing game.

The first officer is named Falere. A Twi’lek was unusual on the force. When Naboo first joined the Republic about 50 years ago, her parents had moved here to escape the low quality of life on their home world. Fresh out of the academy and eager to help make life a better place for the people of Naboo, she was dewy eyed and ready to hunt down this new drug ring!

The second officer is a native to Naboo. Jaheira has been on the force for some time. Long enough to start realizing that the straight and narrow was not what she had been seeking this whole time. The career just kind of happened. But a chance to get in on a drug ring was tempting…

The third officer was of the most unexpected variety. A Cathar, joining the population for the same reasons as Falere, walked behind them. She was a personal favorite due to her willingness to do any job. Being highly athletic and weighing three hundred pounds of muscle didn’t hurt either. She was affectionately nick named Kitty Meow Meow from her early hazing.

All three officers looked at the sole spaceport inn of New Centriff. The Pilot Lounge seemed like a logical place to start. They were all fairly new. What they lacked for in experience they made up for with enthusiasm. Steeling themselves, the three officers walked into a bar.

Lob doesn’t see anything but his work. Dragon Tails however, has been building up the severity of the situation in his mind. Replaying episodes of Outer Rim Cops from the holonet in his mind, he realized that somehow, despite all logic, a team of commandos would be coming in the front door to get him. It was illogical. He knew he had not shared too much online. They had been discreet (well, not really, but he thought they had been). So nothing bad could possibly happen.

As soon as the door opened, a team of highly equipped and trained commandos entered! Impossibly, they had found him! They seemed to stare right into his soul, scouring the depths of his guilty conscience. They probably knew about the candy bar he had stolen when he landed. And that his papers were out of spec. They also knew that someday he would be the crime lord he dreamed of being. Bombing his roll, the character stares at the officers in dismay.

In turn, the officers notice that everyone is normal except for a Twi’lek that is staring, sweating out his body weight in moisture, and about to have a panic attack based on his shivering lekku. Deciding they should ask if he is okay, they start walking over to him.

Dragon Tails tries to act calm but instead loses the last shred of his composure. He suddenly bolts for his room! Surprised, but with faster reflexes than the lemming who was clumsily pushing tables and chairs out of his way, the officers pursued!

Dragon Tails tried to save time by not slowing down and doing a quick half wall run. Instead, his foot went through the drywall and tore out a big piece trapped around his ankle, slowing him down. Falere successfully did a wall run and bellowed at him to stop resisting! The intimidating was so successful, that he was shaken by just how fast these officers were! This was supposed to be a backwater planet after all.

The officers were in hot pursuit, so he tried to pick up the pace. Instead, and here is a lesson in not rolling one’s children, his pants fell down and trapped his knees, making him trip face first into the cheap carpet. With a terrifyingly deep meow, Kitty pounced on him, dropping all three hundred pounds of enraged feline on the prone, terrified form beneath her.

There was a loud crack, a muffled squeal of pain, and then Falere snapped binders on his wrists. Lob made a mental note that maybe he should watch the latest cop shows, because it sounded like he was there in the middle of it. Their quality had got much better. Uninterrupted, he continued his research.

Dragon Tails was escorted out of the Pilot Lounge, dragging drywall and with pants down still, by the trio of anti-spice commandos. The Twi’lek “crime lord” struggled a bit, but mostly did it out of principle more than actually hoping to get free by some miracle. That was until the plasma shell detonated in the neighboring Naboo Holonet building behind them.

No one was more surprised than Jeff was. Well, maybe the rest of the IT staff caught in the blast, but they didn’t survive long enough to get upset over it. Jeff had just retrieved his so called shipment of five doses of giggle dust when the door exploded inwards. It protected him from the blast but pinned him to the ground, spilling two of his baggies.

He pushed the door out of the way and surveyed the burning wreckage that was the main office area. The front lobby and more importantly his janitor closet was intact. Giggling to himself in delight that his “lab” was “safe”, he spied the Trade Federation AAT cruising past the one remaining window. Entering a giggle dust induced rage, he raced after the tank.

Several things happened all at once. For starters, Lob realized that the assassination attempt on his life had failed. Somehow, the Trade Federation knew of his work and was after him! The paranoid raced to his room and decided to make it look like he had escaped so he could see who was after him. He opened the window, and then closed the blinds, peering out of them. After several moments passed, nothing happened except for another explosion as one of the comm towers was blasted by a rocket salvo. The entire planet was being invaded to steal the breakthrough he was on the verge of creating!

Instead, he decided to leave the backway. He opened the emergency exit and spied some B1 battle droids on patrol. Spotting their leader, he got an idea. Pulling open his bag, he retrieved a can of spray paint. Now, in Star Wars 5e, tech powers take the place of magic outside of force users. They do this with various levels of technology. In this case of changing the color of the droid officer’s stripes, he just happened to have the right shade of tan. Shaking the can well, he cracked the door open and sprayed the droid from behind once it was within ten feet, per the tech power requirement. He then shouted, “Who’s in charge?”

Instead of entering a state of confusion, they turned around and started blasting the door he slammed shut quite hastily. Getting another idea, he quickly created a Trade Federation badge using another tech power and stuck it out the door yelling “hold your fire I’m an inspector!”

In confusion, as they had not been told there was going to be an inspector, they stopped. After a brief bit of lies, the officer let him go. Lob decided getting a ship was the best idea and left in that direction.

Jeff giggled to himself in fit of euphoria as he clambered onto the tank. He tried to pull the hatch open, but it was held shut by hydraulics. Getting an idea, he decided to use his own tech powers. Charging up his wrist pad, he pressed his palm to the tank hatch to try and electrocute the gunner or a tank component. While kneeling on a conductive metal.

Now normally I would have let this slide, but he rolled a one. Not only did he deal maximum damage to himself, but he violently sharted himself when rolling for severity of the screw up, and then also failed his save and flopped off the tank as he became stunned from the electricity. Unperturbed, the tank moved on, firing a rocket salvo into the nearest comm tower.

Coming to his senses, he got back up and ran over to the employee parking lot the tank just passed by. He tried speederjacking the muscle ground vehicle that looked cool but failed. He then got into his former boss’s Flash Speeder and jump started it.

Now, this was not the security Flash Speeder that came with a heavy laser cannon. This was just a civilian version of that speeder. Despite this, his blood shot eyes stared balefully at the tank hovering away from him. He slammed it into reverse and accelerated at it, ramming it hard. He flopped out of the speeder because he forgot his seat belt, angry giggled in midair, and then slammed into the tank and lost consciousness. The tank, once again undamaged, carried on with its wreckage of the communication towers.

Back to the trio of officers and the legendary for the wrong reasons Dragon Tails. The explosion blew out about half of a building behind them. Spying the front end of the tank, they decided that running for the most solid piece of cover in the opposite direction of said tank was the best. Their captive however, decided that running to his ship was the best idea instead, and gripped onto a storm drain grate with the strength of a desperate man that not even Kitty could tear free.

Falere decided to expedite the process by tazing him with her stun baton. The bonk did a lot of impact and forced him to let go when he failed his stun save. Dragging him rapidly, Kitty and Falere caught up to Jaheira and hunkered down as the first tower was hit with a rocket salvo. Immediately they recognized they were being jammed (these level 1 characters were rolling over 20 with their bonuses on almost everything all night long). Not only that, they also were able to triangulate that there were two towers jamming them.

A quick plan was made. Kitty took off weast, the furthest one away while Falere went east. Jaheira would stay behind and watch the prisoner, who had recovered from his shocking experience.

Kitty took off and stealthed through the first two streets until she got spotted. She took off in a sprint, finding the tower and cutting it in half with her vibroswords. Taking several laser bolts, she managed to just barely get running again in time and got back after some mild delay.

Falere made it just fine and shut it down using the control panel. Trying to get back she kept running into too many patrols. The team was able to communicate together at least, and a plan was made to get a speeder to her when she finally found her opening and was able to get back on her own.

Jaheira was up to no good. Having decided a while ago that the law enforcement life was not what she wanted, she finally had a chance to get in on some dirty cop action. Slapping Dragon Tails awake, she started shaking him down about the local spice trade. Thoroughly done with his several hour existence as a “crime lord”, the tank, and getting mauled by the galaxy’s angriest Cathar, he confessed everything. He just wanted to go to his ship and leave to never return.

While he was doing this, he realized he was in over his head and decided to try and get out of the cuffs. By a miracle (natural twenty), he found a bobby pin underneath his hand already! He then rolled a natural one and jammed the locking mechanism in the lock position. Struggling quietly, he realized it was stuck in there for potentially forever.

His problems got worse when this dirty cop announced that she couldn’t have witnesses and put a vibroknife to his back. Pulling a surprise and spectacular stunt, he flipped off his back away from the knife and got his cuffs in front of him in the same motion! Just like he had practiced in the simulations, he fired his hidden wrist dart. The round hit Jaheira, but the electrical charge failed to penetrate her armor. Standing there in his cool action pose, his cool catch phrase died on his lips as he realized it had not worked.

Before he could run, and despite being caught off guard, Jaheira drew her heavy pistol and shot him in the head. For maximum damage. Causing him to immediately start making death saves. Looking at his blown of Lek, the dangling bits Twi’lek have on their heads, she shoved him and his missing appendage into the storm drain.

After reporting the prisoner got away to her fellow officers, she got their patrol Flash Speeder running, picked up both of them, and fled towards the city of Parrlay in an attempt to warn Theed that the Trade Federation were invading.

The officers made it past the first street okay, but at the next intersection a Destroyer Droid shot them down. Crashing through it and then into a building, Kitty got knocked out. They were just at the edge of the city and were able to drag her between the two of them before they were found. They sheltered in a farmhouse and then proceeded to Parrlay in a desperate attempt to get there in time.

While the officers were fleeing, Lob was tinkering with the parked freighters. As in, breaking in, setting up a preflight path to orbit on a timer, and then moving to the next one. He wanted to create a diversion and see how good the anti-air system was in the area. He was only able to get two to take off and watched as fighters and AA weapons blew them out of the sky.

Deciding to not use his freighter to die, he accepted he was stuck on the surface. He spied the loading dock. Eyed the cargo cranes. And then got an idea. Taking control, he realized he could sling the containers short ranges like lumber jacks do.

He grabbed a container, spun the crane around to pick up speed, and attempted to hit a tank on the other side of the burning IT building. The container flew as one would expect, dropping quickly and sliding through the burning building up to the IT closet. Then exploded.

The paranoid Duros was caught in the blast and pinned with a giant piece of metal that went through his chest. He managed to stave of death for now. The blast brought the giggle junkie back into wakefulness as his borrowed, crumpled speeder was sent flipping.

Shouting in panic, he raced through the flames and tried to salvage his beloved janitor closet/drug production facility. It had been ground zero of the plasma cargo and was completely gone. He did spy a Duros pinned to the container, who at this point appeared to be dead from the debris impaling him.

Jeff found some useful tools on his belt. He felt bad and didn’t have the credits to pay him back, so he left a sample of giggle dust for him and then went to go hide in the sewers where he met up with the underground resistance. While doing so, he bumped into a maimed Twi’lek in cuffs. His pants were down. His foot trapped in soggy drywall (does that make it wetwall?). His cuffs were jammed closed by a bobby pin, and worse of all, a Lek had been blown off. He was having a worse day then himself.

They were able to get him and the Duros to an emergency aid station setup in time to prevent anything to major from happening. Well, except for the bionic Lek for Dragon Tail, who renamed himself after losing one of his tails. And a pacemaker for the Duros.